adBlockCheck

Care For 9/11 Illness

Top Headlines

Recent News

Budget Travel Tips

With the bloated cost of airfare and hotels, many people are looking to save on travel however they can. Here are The Onion’s tips for planning a memorable vacation without overspending.

Report: Well, Here We Go

WASHINGTON—With Donald Trump’s two remaining GOP rivals suspending their candidacies and clearing a path for the billionaire businessman to assume the Republican presidential nomination, reports indicated Wednesday that, well, hoo boy, here we go.

Ted Cruz Dressed For Campaign Rally By Swarm Of Loyal Vermin

INDIANAPOLIS—In what has reportedly become a daily routine on the campaign trail, Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz stood alone in the center of his hotel suite Tuesday morning where he was carefully dressed and groomed by a swarm of loyal vermin.

Facebook’s Plans For The Future

From instant articles to live video, Facebook continues to look for new ways to expand its reach and offerings. Here are some plans on the horizon for the social media giant
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Care For 9/11 Illness

People who worked or lived near Ground Zero are demanding health-care for illnesses related to the poor air quality after the attacks. What do you think?
  • "I think we should FedEx an itemized invoice for all of those people's medical expenses to Osama bin Laden. Then, when he goes to sign for it—bam! We grab him!"

    Emily Sherman Guidance Counselor
  • "This is a very serious issue. My cousin was a first responder, and he recently succumbed to a particularly bad case of Freedom Lung."

    Jeremy Grusin Systems Analyst
  • "I guess we know whose side of the war on terror these folks' alveoli are on."

    Ron Wells Translator

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close