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Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.
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Carl's Jr. Founder Dead

Carl Karcher, the founder of Carl's Jr. and owner of Hardee's, died just days shy of his 91st Birthday. What do you think?
  • "I wondered why all those yellow happy star flags were being flown at half mast."

    Byron Weigel Dialysis Technician
  • "I thought Hardee's was owned by the government."

    Jan Oyler Purchasing Manager
  • "And with his death goes his strange and inexplicable use of possessives."

    Winston Rae Tax Assessor

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