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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Carl's Jr. Founder Dead

Carl Karcher, the founder of Carl's Jr. and owner of Hardee's, died just days shy of his 91st Birthday. What do you think?
  • "I wondered why all those yellow happy star flags were being flown at half mast."

    Byron Weigel Dialysis Technician
  • "I thought Hardee's was owned by the government."

    Jan Oyler Purchasing Manager
  • "And with his death goes his strange and inexplicable use of possessives."

    Winston Rae Tax Assessor

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