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Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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Carl's Jr. Founder Dead

Carl Karcher, the founder of Carl's Jr. and owner of Hardee's, died just days shy of his 91st Birthday. What do you think?
  • "I wondered why all those yellow happy star flags were being flown at half mast."

    Byron Weigel Dialysis Technician
  • "I thought Hardee's was owned by the government."

    Jan Oyler Purchasing Manager
  • "And with his death goes his strange and inexplicable use of possessives."

    Winston Rae Tax Assessor

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Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.

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