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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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Casey Anthony Released

Acquitted murder suspect Casey Anthony was released from jail on Sunday. What do you think?

  • "She left just two days ago? Huh, that's weird. You usually don't report an Anthony's disappearance for about a month or so."

    Dan Roth Moisture-Machine Tender
  • "Ooh, I thought I smelled something different in the air on Sunday! Turns out it was the smell of new beginnings. With just a hint of guilty-murderer-gone-free."

    Roberta Nelson Drop-Wire Hanger
  • "This is one crazy story she's going to tell her kids someday."

    Davis Youtz Unemployed

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