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Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Casey Kasem Missing

A judge has ordered an investigation into the whereabouts of Casey Kasem, the 82-year-old radio personality known for his years of hosting the nationally syndicated American Top 40 countdown show, who has gone missing from his Los Angeles home. What do you think?

  • “Coming all the way from number one in my heart this week is my hope that he’s okay.”

    Paul Austen Unemployed
  • “Casey Kasem? No way! Whatever happened to that guy?”

    Elise Guilbert Air Traffic Controller
  • “It’s okay. No one is buying music these days anyway.”

    Arthur Olsen Emergency Room Liaison
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