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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Casey Martin Vs. The PGA

Last week, a federal judge ruled that golfer Casey Martin—who is afflicted with a circulatory disorder that makes it painful for him to walk—may use a motorized golf cart during PGA competition. The PGA contends that the use of a cart constitutes an unfair advantage, and plans to appeal the decision. What do you think?
  • "I am shocked that the sport of golf would be associated with this sort of exclusivity and discrimination."

    Carrie Holt Music Teacher
  • "I know how Martin feels. I was recently kicked off the PGA Tour just because my debilitating foot fetish made me masturbate on the other golfers' cleats in the locker room all the time."

    Ed Shanahan Waiter
  • "First Tiger Woods, now a cripple? Christ, next thing you know, they'll be letting Jews into the country club."

    Willis Gehry Tax Attorney
  • "If he's crippled, what's he doing trying to achieve in the first place?"

    Rick Struck Systems Analyst
  • "This is just the latest in a long line of injustices committed against America's professional golfers."

    Melanie Foti Librarian
  • "Rodney Dangerfield endured the same sort of unfair treatment almost 20 years ago, solely because he wasn't an uptight, stuck-up snob. How little we have learned since then."

    Gus Trotter Graduate Student
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