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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.
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Casey Martin Vs. The PGA

Last week, a federal judge ruled that golfer Casey Martin—who is afflicted with a circulatory disorder that makes it painful for him to walk—may use a motorized golf cart during PGA competition. The PGA contends that the use of a cart constitutes an unfair advantage, and plans to appeal the decision. What do you think?
  • "I am shocked that the sport of golf would be associated with this sort of exclusivity and discrimination."

    Carrie Holt Music Teacher
  • "I know how Martin feels. I was recently kicked off the PGA Tour just because my debilitating foot fetish made me masturbate on the other golfers' cleats in the locker room all the time."

    Ed Shanahan Waiter
  • "First Tiger Woods, now a cripple? Christ, next thing you know, they'll be letting Jews into the country club."

    Willis Gehry Tax Attorney
  • "If he's crippled, what's he doing trying to achieve in the first place?"

    Rick Struck Systems Analyst
  • "This is just the latest in a long line of injustices committed against America's professional golfers."

    Melanie Foti Librarian
  • "Rodney Dangerfield endured the same sort of unfair treatment almost 20 years ago, solely because he wasn't an uptight, stuck-up snob. How little we have learned since then."

    Gus Trotter Graduate Student

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