'Cash For Clunkers' Broke

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Vol 45 Issue 32

Plague In China

Ziketan, a farming town of 10,000 in the Qinghai province of China, has been locked down in an attempt to prevent the spread of pneumonic plague....
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Healthy Living

  • The Onion’s Guide To Gym Etiquette

    Every new year brings a surge in gym membership from new members nicknamed “resolutionists,” many of whom may be unaware that there are unspoken rules everyone must observe when working out.

'Cash For Clunkers' Broke

Less than a month after it began, the federal "Cash for Clunkers" program—which provides owners of older vehicles with a $4,500 credit toward the purchase of a more fuel-efficient car—has run out of money. What do you think?
  • "Oh, well. I still think I can get a better offer from another government."

    Theo Cleary
    Propeller Inspector
  • "Great, first they end my local toys-for-guns program, and now this. Soon no one's going to reward you for acquiring things that make the world a shitty place."

    Paul Bachman
    Lacquer Polisher
  • "This is a slippery slope. First you're helping people pay for cars, then you're socializing health care, and the next thing you know you're making shaky black-and-white films with blurry close-ups of broken glasses and bloodstains. Where does it end?"

    Lucy Wenc
    Building Inspector
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