'Cash For Clunkers' Broke

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Vol 45 Issue 32

Plague In China

Ziketan, a farming town of 10,000 in the Qinghai province of China, has been locked down in an attempt to prevent the spread of pneumonic plague....
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Technology

Technology Unfortunately Allows Distant Friends To Reconnect

WAYNE, PA—Providing them the tools necessary to bridge a gap that both individuals say they were more than willing to maintain indefinitely, sources confirmed Monday that the advent of modern technology has unfortunately allowed distant friends Mere...

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  • Sports Drink Company Putting First Advertisement On Moon

    Japanese pharmaceutical company Otsuka has announced plans to put their sports drink Pocari Sweat on the moon in a specially equipped container bearing their logo, which, if successful, would be the first time a commercial product has been flown to the mo...

'Cash For Clunkers' Broke

Less than a month after it began, the federal "Cash for Clunkers" program—which provides owners of older vehicles with a $4,500 credit toward the purchase of a more fuel-efficient car—has run out of money. What do you think?
  • "Oh, well. I still think I can get a better offer from another government."

    Theo Cleary
    Propeller Inspector
  • "Great, first they end my local toys-for-guns program, and now this. Soon no one's going to reward you for acquiring things that make the world a shitty place."

    Paul Bachman
    Lacquer Polisher
  • "This is a slippery slope. First you're helping people pay for cars, then you're socializing health care, and the next thing you know you're making shaky black-and-white films with blurry close-ups of broken glasses and bloodstains. Where does it end?"

    Lucy Wenc
    Building Inspector
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