Castaway Ate Turtles, Birds While Stranded 13 Months At Sea

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DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Castaway Ate Turtles, Birds While Stranded 13 Months At Sea

A man calling himself Jose Salvador Alvarenga washed ashore in the Marshall Islands this week after allegedly being lost over a year at sea, explaining that he survived by eating birds and turtles and drinking his own urine, though authorities are still trying to verify his claims. What do you think?

  • “Big deal. I ate turtles and drank my own urine for 13 months without ever stepping foot outside my house.”

    Dwier Ottley
  • “See, this is exactly why I never go swimming without a knapsack full of hot dogs and Gatorade.”

    Maya Reid
    Pearl Restorer
  • “Sometimes I wish I could get away from it all for a year and have authorities check up on my story.”

    Frank Kieferle
    Claims Adjuster