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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Cat Obesity On The Rise

In response to rising feline obesity, a new study found that a restricted diet led to weight loss in cats and didn’t cause them to display any less affection toward their owners. What do you think?

  • “It must be jarring for the cats to have their own ambivalent attitude thrown back in their face like that.”

    Selina Murphy Systems Analyst
  • “Putting your pet on a strict diet is just one more way they prepare you for having children.”

    Don Sorel Trachea Inspector
  • “But wouldn’t it be unfair to give my cat less than half of what we hunt together?”

    Marv Houran Unemployed
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