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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Cat Obesity On The Rise

In response to rising feline obesity, a new study found that a restricted diet led to weight loss in cats and didn’t cause them to display any less affection toward their owners. What do you think?

  • “It must be jarring for the cats to have their own ambivalent attitude thrown back in their face like that.”

    Selina Murphy Systems Analyst
  • “Putting your pet on a strict diet is just one more way they prepare you for having children.”

    Don Sorel Trachea Inspector
  • “But wouldn’t it be unfair to give my cat less than half of what we hunt together?”

    Marv Houran Unemployed

More from this section

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.

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