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A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.
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Catholic Orgs Sue Over Birth-Control Rule

Several Catholic institutions, including Notre Dame, are suing the federal government over the Obama administration’s birth control funding mandate. What do you think?

  • "I'm not sure how competitive Notre Dame will be this fall if half its starters are dutifully helping their knocked up girlfriends through their last trimesters rather than suiting up when Michigan comes to South Bend."

    Chris Dierkop Systems Analyst
  • "I wouldn’t be so irritated with this situation if my Holy Ghost IUD was more reliable.”

    Amber Buckman Unemployed
  • "Why can't we just return to the good old days, when Catholics were having pre-marital sex without contraception, going away for nine months to give birth in a secluded farmhouse, returning to have more pre-marital sex without contraception, and eventually meeting and marrying the closeted gay husband of their dreams?"

    Frankie Hansen Numerical Control Machine Operator
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