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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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Cats, Dogs May See Things Invisible To Human Eye

A new study has found that cats, dogs, and many other mammals are able to detect UV light, which may allow them to see many things invisible to humans, such as urine marks and certain color patterns on flowers. What do you think?

  • “Are they really things we can’t see, or things we don’t want to see?”

    Aaron Campelia Motorcycle Club Owner
  • “Aw man, I wish I had the power to see more urine.”

    Jason Bowyer Restaurant Host
  • “But can they love?”

    Kathleen Willis Event Coordinator

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