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CBGB's Closes Down

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Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.

Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.
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CBGB's Closes Down

After 33 years hosting punk shows, legendary club CBGB's closed its doors on Sunday. What do you think?
  • “The music may be gone, but the historic stench of urine will permeate the site for generations to come.”

    Gwen Macey Armored-Truck Driver
  • “When I think of the bands I saw there—The Dictators, Blondie, Suicide—I can't help but think, ‘time for a prostate exam.’”

    Jerry Osbourne Systems Analyst
  • “It makes me sad that the ghosts of The Ramones will be forced to haunt a Pizzeria Uno.”

    Keith Thompson Maintenance Worker

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