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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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CDC: 1 In Every 50 U.S. Schoolchildren Autistic

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention revised upward its estimate of the number of children in the United States with autism, stating that 1 in every 50 children between the ages of 6 and 17 have some form of autism spectrum disorder. What do you think?

  • “Isn’t there anything we can do to reverse this trend of testing for this horrible affliction?”

    Webster Owen Steeplejack
  • “Blackjack tables of the future are screwed.”

    Bryce Cassel Urologist
  • “Our nation’s bullies must be so exhausted.”

    Katie Marano Fuse Maker
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