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CDC: Drug-Resistant Bacteria Pose ‘Nightmare’ Threat

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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CDC: Drug-Resistant Bacteria Pose ‘Nightmare’ Threat

The head of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention issued a dire warning about antibiotic-resistant bacteria known as CREs, which after first appearing in 1996 have now been found in 42 states and were detected in 4.6 percent of all U.S. hospitals in 2012. What do you think?

  • “What is it with the CDC? It’s like they’re all a bunch of germ freaks over there.”

    Annabel Boyle Dance Therapist
  • “I appreciate anything that first appeared in the 1990s and has managed to stay relevant.”

    Joe Foggin Ship Painter
  • “Oh, well. We all gotta go sometime, right?”

    Matthew Suwinska Fireworks Maker

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