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Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.

Veteran Given Hero’s Welcome Back To Afghanistan

KABUL, AFGHANISTAN—Waving flags and breaking into cheers the moment they spotted the veteran, dozens of joyous citizens gave Marine Pfc. Victor Rosas, 23, a hero’s welcome back to Afghanistan, sources reported Tuesday.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.
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CDC: Half Of U.S. Schools Teach Proper Sex Ed

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have found that less than half of U.S. schools teach their students sexual education according to the CDC’s 16 recommended topics, such as correct condom use and where to find reliable information on sexual health. What do you think?

  • “No way are there as many as 16 sex topics.”

    Gary Wholin Unemployed
  • “What’s so great about our kids that they deserve healthy, satisfying lives?”

    Tom Merzbicki Brick Speculator
  • “We need to reverse this alarming trend by properly training our educators to pop in the DVD and tell everyone to shut up.”

    Anita Lafley Systems Analyst

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