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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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CDC: Teens Losing Virginity Prior To Sex Ed

According to a new report by the CDC, more than 80 percent of teenagers don’t receive formal sex education by the time they have sex for the first time, leading many young teens to engage in risky birth control methods. What do you think?

  • “That’s why I tell every teen I come across that when a man ejaculates in a woman’s vagina it can make a baby.”

    Macklin Berringer Security Guard
  • “I’ll do it!”

    Jeremiah Hollis Unemployed
  • “How do they even know anything about sex without a middle-aged teacher explaining it to them first?”

    Cambry Adams Online Order Assistant

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