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Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.

Veteran Given Hero’s Welcome Back To Afghanistan

KABUL, AFGHANISTAN—Waving flags and breaking into cheers the moment they spotted the veteran, dozens of joyous citizens gave Marine Pfc. Victor Rosas, 23, a hero’s welcome back to Afghanistan, sources reported Tuesday.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.
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CDC: Teens Losing Virginity Prior To Sex Ed

According to a new report by the CDC, more than 80 percent of teenagers don’t receive formal sex education by the time they have sex for the first time, leading many young teens to engage in risky birth control methods. What do you think?

  • “That’s why I tell every teen I come across that when a man ejaculates in a woman’s vagina it can make a baby.”

    Macklin Berringer Security Guard
  • “I’ll do it!”

    Jeremiah Hollis Unemployed
  • “How do they even know anything about sex without a middle-aged teacher explaining it to them first?”

    Cambry Adams Online Order Assistant

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