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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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CDC: Teens Losing Virginity Prior To Sex Ed

According to a new report by the CDC, more than 80 percent of teenagers don’t receive formal sex education by the time they have sex for the first time, leading many young teens to engage in risky birth control methods. What do you think?

  • “That’s why I tell every teen I come across that when a man ejaculates in a woman’s vagina it can make a baby.”

    Macklin Berringer Security Guard
  • “I’ll do it!”

    Jeremiah Hollis Unemployed
  • “How do they even know anything about sex without a middle-aged teacher explaining it to them first?”

    Cambry Adams Online Order Assistant

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