adBlockCheck

Recent News

Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.

How To Combat Harassment Online

Online harassment is an increasingly contentious issue, with social media sites like Twitter and Reddit pressured to crack down on users’ abusive behavior. Here are The Onion’s tips for combating harassment online:
End Of Section
  • More News

CDC: Women Should Only Drink While On Birth Control

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have recommended that all sexually active women, regardless of whether they intend to get pregnant, should be on some form of birth control before consuming any amount of alcohol to prevent a pregnancy with fetal alcohol complications. What do you think?

  • “That’s wildly impractical. Does the CDC really expect women to access birth control that easily?”

    Kevin Bartz Podcast Benefactor
  • “Finally, a government agency that tells me, to the letter, exactly what to do with my body.”

    Delia Stoneberg Startup Maven
  • “How about we put the onus on men for a change and instruct them to knock drinks out of women’s hands?”

    Ilana Geffen File Organizer

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close