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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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Celebrating The 50th Anniversary Of The Beatles On Ed Sullivan

This week marks the 50th anniversary of the Beatles’ first appearance on The Ed Sullivan Show, a milestone in American pop culture that fans across the nation are celebrating with reenactment concerts, television specials, tribute performances, and more. What do you think?

  • “It’s about time the Beatles got recognized for their accomplishments.”

    John Rohr Mail Sorter
  • “Yeah, that was a pretty good episode.”

    Dominique Laffan Home Goods Retailer
  • “I’m just relieved baby boomers managed to find something from their youth that they can keep celebrating.”

    Noel O’Regan Yeast Maker

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