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Celebrity Meltdowns

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Entertainment

Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.

Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.
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Celebrity Meltdowns

Mariah Carey, Ben Affleck, and Backstreet Boy A.J. McLean are among the celebrities to check into rehab after recent breakdowns. What do you think?
  • "Mariah Carey was hospitalized for 'exhaustion,' but everyone knows what that really means: a quart of cum in her stomach."

    Fred Burtt Cab Driver
  • "The only thing keeping me sane through all of this is Kenny Loggins' repeated assurances that he's all right, and that nobody need worry about him."

    Pete Tippet File Clerk
  • "When is one of these entertainers going to be eaten alive by rats? That's a story I'll read."

    Leonard McQuarrie Systems Analyst
  • "I feel for them. They suffer so much. What? 'Celebrities'? I'm sorry, I thought you said 'victims of ethnic brutality in Macedonia.'"

    Felicia Johnston Bank Teller
  • "Oh, my God. Is Britney Spears okay? What about Martin Lawrence? Angelina Jolie? Jennifer Lopez? Jim Carrey? P. Diddy? Nicole Kidman? Wait! Come back! I must know!"

    Angie Dykstra Student
  • "Why is everybody raising a stink about these people now that they're finally entertaining?"

    Ed Mollo Photographer

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