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Entertainment

The Onion’s Fall TV Preview

Networks are just weeks away from debuting their Fall lineups, featuring both new shows and returning favorites. The Onion breaks down what to watch this Fall.

Most Anticipated Panels At Comic-Con

San Diego Comic-Con kicks off tomorrow, and this year’s schedule is packed with must-see events. Here are the most highly-anticipated panels of Comic-Con 2017.
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Celebrity Meltdowns

Mariah Carey, Ben Affleck, and Backstreet Boy A.J. McLean are among the celebrities to check into rehab after recent breakdowns. What do you think?
  • "Mariah Carey was hospitalized for 'exhaustion,' but everyone knows what that really means: a quart of cum in her stomach."

    Fred Burtt Cab Driver
  • "The only thing keeping me sane through all of this is Kenny Loggins' repeated assurances that he's all right, and that nobody need worry about him."

    Pete Tippet File Clerk
  • "When is one of these entertainers going to be eaten alive by rats? That's a story I'll read."

    Leonard McQuarrie Systems Analyst
  • "I feel for them. They suffer so much. What? 'Celebrities'? I'm sorry, I thought you said 'victims of ethnic brutality in Macedonia.'"

    Felicia Johnston Bank Teller
  • "Oh, my God. Is Britney Spears okay? What about Martin Lawrence? Angelina Jolie? Jennifer Lopez? Jim Carrey? P. Diddy? Nicole Kidman? Wait! Come back! I must know!"

    Angie Dykstra Student
  • "Why is everybody raising a stink about these people now that they're finally entertaining?"

    Ed Mollo Photographer

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