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Biggest Announcements From E3

Each June, E3, or The Electronic Entertainment Expo, hosts game developers showing off their latest products. Here are this year’s most exciting announcements:

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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Celebrity Meltdowns

Mariah Carey, Ben Affleck, and Backstreet Boy A.J. McLean are among the celebrities to check into rehab after recent breakdowns. What do you think?
  • "Mariah Carey was hospitalized for 'exhaustion,' but everyone knows what that really means: a quart of cum in her stomach."

    Fred Burtt Cab Driver
  • "The only thing keeping me sane through all of this is Kenny Loggins' repeated assurances that he's all right, and that nobody need worry about him."

    Pete Tippet File Clerk
  • "When is one of these entertainers going to be eaten alive by rats? That's a story I'll read."

    Leonard McQuarrie Systems Analyst
  • "I feel for them. They suffer so much. What? 'Celebrities'? I'm sorry, I thought you said 'victims of ethnic brutality in Macedonia.'"

    Felicia Johnston Bank Teller
  • "Oh, my God. Is Britney Spears okay? What about Martin Lawrence? Angelina Jolie? Jennifer Lopez? Jim Carrey? P. Diddy? Nicole Kidman? Wait! Come back! I must know!"

    Angie Dykstra Student
  • "Why is everybody raising a stink about these people now that they're finally entertaining?"

    Ed Mollo Photographer

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