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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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CEO Pay On The Rise Again

According to a survey of 200 major companies, median executive salaries rose 12 percent from 2009 to 2010, with many CEOs doing better than they were before the economic downturn. What do you think?

  • "Oh, I know! Have you seen the CEO of Greenpeace, lately, strutting around in those brand-new socks?

    Samantha Ofer Personal Banker
  • "For some, that may seem unreasonable, but those numbers just reflect the reality of cost-of-living increases for essentials like catamarans and racehorses."

    Jasper Wilson Systems Analyst
  • "Do you think some of it might trickle down over here, or would I maybe have a better shot if I moved to that corner across the street?"

    Tyler Andreoni Unemployed
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