Cereal Box Characters Lure Children In With Their Eyes

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Vol 50 Issue 13

Coco Crisp Shyly Asks Bob Melvin If A’s Are Poor

OAKLAND, CA—Upon realizing that opponents always seem to have better facilities, equipment, and players, team sources confirmed Friday that Oakland A’s outfielder Coco Crisp approached manager Bob Melvin and quietly asked whether their team wa...

Date Invites Woman Upstairs To Check Out Red Flags

COLUMBUS, OH—Following an evening spent out at a local brewpub, area man Patrick Fitzgerald took the initiative Wednesday night to invite local woman Alicia Powell up to his apartment to see his glaring red flags, sources confirmed.
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Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

Cereal Box Characters Lure Children In With Their Eyes

According to new research, the cartoon “spokescharacters” on cereal boxes are purposefully drawn with their stares angled downward to make eye contact with young children, which researchers say raises the trust level between kids and the cartoons. What do you think?

  • “That’s why Cap’n Crunch has those beautiful baby blues.”

    Crystal Bigford
    Sales Representative
  • “If a cartoon isn’t man enough to look you straight in the eye then it doesn’t deserve your trust.”

    Graham Milser
    Sidewalk Artist
  • “That’s my trick, too!”

    Johnson McCaffrey
    Unemployed
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