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Checks For Gun Buyers

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Charles Koch Orders Sniper To Fire Warning Shot Next To Marco Rubio On Debate Stage

GREENVILLE, SC—In response to the presidential candidate’s unsatisfactory answer to a question about the economic effects of environmental regulations, Koch Industries CEO Charles Koch reportedly ordered a sniper positioned in the rafters of the Greenville Peace Center to fire a warning shot near Marco Rubio’s podium during Saturday’s Republican debate.
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Checks For Gun Buyers

Earlier this month, a new system of instant FBI background checks on gun buyers went into effect. The system, which takes the place of a five-day waiting period, is being challenged in court by the NRA as an invasion of privacy. What do you think?
  • "I think the new instant checks are great. Last March, I had to wait almost an entire week before I could open fire on that busload of kids."

    Dave Roof
    Groundskeeper
  • "I'm in favor of a waiting period. Waiting just makes it all the more special when you finally give the bitch what she's got coming."

    Keith Krausse
    Salesman
  • "As long as they don't start requiring background checks for meat-cleaver purchases, I should be fine."

    Benjamin Chavarria
    Custodian
  • "God, guts and guns are what made America great. Oh, God—I just shot myself in the gut with my gun!"

    Jordan Stock
    Commercial Pilot
  • "They should make gun buyers sign a waiver that says, 'I promise only to use this gun on bunnies.'"

    Anne Hershberger
    Systems Analyst
  • "I find that shooting people is an excellent alternative to letting them run a background check on me."

    Ellen Gosger
    Cab Driver

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