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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Cheddar Cheese Prices Skyrocket Due To Chinese Demand

The Dairy Export Council reported this week that the cost of cheddar cheese climbed 18 percent this year to its highest price ever because domestic manufacturers have been unable to meet the demand for cheese by Chinese purchasers. What do you think?

  • “People laughed when I bought all that cheddar cheese. Well, who’s laughing now?”

    Mark Rhodes Sound Check Coordinator
  • “I knew this day would come. I didn’t know it would involve cheese or China in any way, but still. I knew.”

    Colleen Clapton Urban Planner
  • “Wait until they find out about smoked Gouda. The entire agricultural marketplace is going to collapse.”

    Philip Sylbert Systems Analyst

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