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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Chelsea Clinton Expecting First Child

Chelsea Clinton announced on Thursday that she's expecting her first child with husband Marc Mezvinsky later this fall. What do you think?

  • "That's great. It's been a while since we've had a new Clinton to judge on physical appearance alone."

    Dean Grobnik App Developer
  • “Awfully late start for an Arkansas gal.”

    Darla Perkins Systems Analyst
  • “Whoa, hold on a second. When did Bill and Hillary have a kid?”

    Chris Lewis Yard Hostler

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