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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.
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Chemical And Biological Weapons

Many Americans fear that terrorists may one day strike the U.S. with chemical and biological weapons. What do you think about the prospect?
  • "It's certainly frightening to consider, but I take comfort in the fact that it can't happen to me.
    It can't happen to me.
    It can't happen to me.
    It can't happen..."

    Donna McKechnie Student
  • "I'm not breathing any air until I've seen somebody else breathe it first."

    Christopher King Systems Analyst
  • "This is the plague The Bible done talked about."

    Dan Desmond Landscaper
  • "Speaking of which, don't go in the bathroom for a while. I just dropped a toxic payload of catastrophic size in there, man."

    Jordan Ryback Cashier
  • "Let's not take any chances—we should arrest and detain The Chemical Brothers immediately."

    Fran Lake Homemaker
  • "I bought a gas mask for protection. I also bought an anthrax vaccine, a safety suit, and a hermetically sealed house that I never leave."

    Michael Cuyler Contractor

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