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What Is Trump’s Relationship With White Nationalism?

Since the weekend’s violent protests in Charlottesville, VA, many have criticized President Trump for his failure to outright condemn the white supremacists involved. The Onion breaks down Trump’s relationship to this powerful hate group.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg Returns To Off-Season Lifeguarding Job

ALEXANDRIA, VA—Saying she hadn’t missed a summer since she was on the U.S. Court of Appeals, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said Tuesday that she had once again returned to her off-season lifeguarding job at Splash Central waterpark.
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Chemical And Biological Weapons

Many Americans fear that terrorists may one day strike the U.S. with chemical and biological weapons. What do you think about the prospect?
  • "It's certainly frightening to consider, but I take comfort in the fact that it can't happen to me.
    It can't happen to me.
    It can't happen to me.
    It can't happen..."

    Donna McKechnie Student
  • "I'm not breathing any air until I've seen somebody else breathe it first."

    Christopher King Systems Analyst
  • "This is the plague The Bible done talked about."

    Dan Desmond Landscaper
  • "Speaking of which, don't go in the bathroom for a while. I just dropped a toxic payload of catastrophic size in there, man."

    Jordan Ryback Cashier
  • "Let's not take any chances—we should arrest and detain The Chemical Brothers immediately."

    Fran Lake Homemaker
  • "I bought a gas mask for protection. I also bought an anthrax vaccine, a safety suit, and a hermetically sealed house that I never leave."

    Michael Cuyler Contractor

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