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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Chemical-Biological Weapons

Popping up everywhere from Iraq to Nevada in recent months, chemical and biological weapons are regarded by many experts as the war instrument of the future. What do you think about the threat of these so-called "weapons of mass destruction"?
  • "There's been a lot of negative talk about biological weapons lately. But believe me, you haven't lived until your lymph nodes have swelled to the size of musk melons."

    Susan Uselmann Student
  • "I was exposed to anthrax once, and it wasn't that bad, except for the spewing jets of pus part."

    Kenneth Choudhury Architect
  • "Speaking of biological weapons, don't go into the men's room. I just dropped a big fucking bomb in there, man."

    Steve Jordan Teacher
  • "I understand that the hated Kaiser and his marauding Huns are in possession of deadly mustard gas."

    Jeanne Whalen Journalist
  • "The government has been been in possession of secret biological doomsday weapons for decades, but covered it up with a shadow conspiracy. Want to see some downloaded Gillian Anderson nudie pics?"

    Chad Wilson Systems Analyst
  • "Those soldiers in the Gulf War came into contact with some chemical that still gives them hallucinations and uncontrollable spasms. You wouldn't happen to know where I could get some of that stuff, do you?"

    Matt Morris Lawyer
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