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Chemical-Biological Weapons

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Entire Broncos Organization Announces Retirement After Super Bowl Win

‘There’s Nothing Better Than Going Out On Top,’ Says Every Denver Player, Coach, Executive, Trainer, Office Administrator, Janitor

SANTA CLARA, CA—Following the team’s 24-10 victory over the Carolina Panthers in Super Bowl 50, every single member of the Denver Broncos organization officially announced their retirement Sunday.

Family, Friends Concerned After Peyton Manning Wanders Away From Pocket

SANTA CLARA, CA—Admitting to being “worried sick” after realizing he had suddenly disappeared in the middle of a play, family and friends of Peyton Manning grew incredibly concerned Sunday after the veteran Denver Broncos quarterback wandered away from the pocket during the first quarter of Super Bowl 50, sources confirmed.
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Chemical-Biological Weapons

Popping up everywhere from Iraq to Nevada in recent months, chemical and biological weapons are regarded by many experts as the war instrument of the future. What do you think about the threat of these so-called "weapons of mass destruction"?
  • "There's been a lot of negative talk about biological weapons lately. But believe me, you haven't lived until your lymph nodes have swelled to the size of musk melons."

    Susan Uselmann
    Student
  • "I was exposed to anthrax once, and it wasn't that bad, except for the spewing jets of pus part."

    Kenneth Choudhury
    Architect
  • "Speaking of biological weapons, don't go into the men's room. I just dropped a big fucking bomb in there, man."

    Steve Jordan
    Teacher
  • "I understand that the hated Kaiser and his marauding Huns are in possession of deadly mustard gas."

    Jeanne Whalen
    Journalist
  • "The government has been been in possession of secret biological doomsday weapons for decades, but covered it up with a shadow conspiracy. Want to see some downloaded Gillian Anderson nudie pics?"

    Chad Wilson
    Systems Analyst
  • "Those soldiers in the Gulf War came into contact with some chemical that still gives them hallucinations and uncontrollable spasms. You wouldn't happen to know where I could get some of that stuff, do you?"

    Matt Morris
    Lawyer

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