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National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.
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Chemical-Biological Weapons

Popping up everywhere from Iraq to Nevada in recent months, chemical and biological weapons are regarded by many experts as the war instrument of the future. What do you think about the threat of these so-called "weapons of mass destruction"?
  • "There's been a lot of negative talk about biological weapons lately. But believe me, you haven't lived until your lymph nodes have swelled to the size of musk melons."

    Susan Uselmann Student
  • "I was exposed to anthrax once, and it wasn't that bad, except for the spewing jets of pus part."

    Kenneth Choudhury Architect
  • "Speaking of biological weapons, don't go into the men's room. I just dropped a big fucking bomb in there, man."

    Steve Jordan Teacher
  • "I understand that the hated Kaiser and his marauding Huns are in possession of deadly mustard gas."

    Jeanne Whalen Journalist
  • "The government has been been in possession of secret biological doomsday weapons for decades, but covered it up with a shadow conspiracy. Want to see some downloaded Gillian Anderson nudie pics?"

    Chad Wilson Systems Analyst
  • "Those soldiers in the Gulf War came into contact with some chemical that still gives them hallucinations and uncontrollable spasms. You wouldn't happen to know where I could get some of that stuff, do you?"

    Matt Morris Lawyer

More from this section

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

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