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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Cheney's Aneurysms

Vice President Dick Cheney is recovering after having aneurysms removed from the back of both his knees. What do you think?
  • "I guess that's good, but you have to admit it would be fun to watch Cheney's knees blow out during a press conference."

    Shelly Caron Interior Designer
  • "That's only because Mr. Cheney has the money to afford the best health-care system in the world."

    Arthur Kaline Day Trader
  • "Look, let's quit pussyfooting around and postponing the inevitable and just put Cheney into the full Darth Vader life-support suit right now."

    Bart Nunn Systems Analyst
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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

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