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Cheney's Aneurysms

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Voyager Probe Badly Damaged After Smashing Into End Of Universe

PASADENA, CA—Confirming that several components had broken off the craft and that most of its scientific instruments were no longer operational, officials from NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory announced that Voyager 1, the pioneering space probe launched in 1977, had been severely damaged Thursday after crashing into the end of the universe.

Leaked Documents Reveal Studio Executives Knew About ‘Gods Of Egypt’ Before It Released Onto Public

SANTA MONICA, CA—Suggesting that the disastrous events of three months ago could have been averted, federal investigators stated Wednesday that a trove of leaked documents confirmed high-ranking studio executives had full knowledge of Gods Of Egypt long before the film was released onto unsuspecting Americans.Investigators described those who allowed such a screenplay to be carried out as “extremely sick and heartless individuals.”

Books Vs. E-Readers

Though e-readers have increasingly supplanted books in the digital age, many bibliophiles defend the importance of physical texts. Here is a side-by-side comparison of physical books and e-books
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Cheney's Aneurysms

Vice President Dick Cheney is recovering after having aneurysms removed from the back of both his knees. What do you think?
  • "I guess that's good, but you have to admit it would be fun to watch Cheney's knees blow out during a press conference."

    Shelly Caron Interior Designer
  • "That's only because Mr. Cheney has the money to afford the best health-care system in the world."

    Arthur Kaline Day Trader
  • "Look, let's quit pussyfooting around and postponing the inevitable and just put Cheney into the full Darth Vader life-support suit right now."

    Bart Nunn Systems Analyst

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