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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Chicago Mandates Living Wage

The Chicago City Council passed an ordinance last week declaring that "big box" stores like Target and Best Buy had to pay a living wage of $10 per hour. What do you think?
  • "Where does it end, Chicago? Huh?! A decent education? A protected citizenry? Health care? Where does it end, you mad city?!"

    Dan Klessig Systems Analyst
  • "I'm all for people making a living wage, but if I end up having to pay more than $1.99 for a gallon of mayonnaise, I'm going to be pissed."

    Rebecca Sanders Physical Therapist
  • "I’m just relieved that, as a small-business owner, I am still within the law to treat my workers like shit."

    Terry Hegel Hardware Store Owner
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