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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.
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Chicago Teachers Go On Strike

Unable to reach an agreement with city officials on issues of job security, health benefits, and teacher evaluations, 26,000 employees of Chicago’s public schools went on strike today, canceling classes for 400,000 students. What do you think?

  • “But where will the kids go to shoot one another?”

    Marlon Coopwood Almond Huller
  • “It’s hard to feel sorry for these teachers when you see them driving around in their lavish Toyota Corollas, eating out of their fancy sack lunches.”

    Fiona Zachary Garment Weigher
  • “That old cow should burn Chicago down again so the city can just start over.”

    William Fetzer Systems Analyst

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