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Chicken Pox Lollipops Ineffective

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Chicken Pox Lollipops Ineffective

Health officials are warning that a recent parenting trend of giving children a lollipop licked by a child with chicken pox instead of using a vaccine is not only ineffective, but also poses numerous other health risks. What do you think?

  • "That is ridiculous. Everyone knows sharing the same toilet seat works far better."

    Michael Cruikshank Glass Sander
  • "Additionally, kissing a broken arm is not adequate treatment for such an injury. You have to rub it with a half-eaten Big Mac from someone else who has a broken arm."

    Jill Lewis Towel-Cabinet Repairer
  • "Besides getting chicken pox, the only other risk I foresee is getting stuck with a green lollipop. Turns your whole damn mouth green. Sick."

    Jason Kirkland Unemployed

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