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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Chicken Pox Lollipops Ineffective

Health officials are warning that a recent parenting trend of giving children a lollipop licked by a child with chicken pox instead of using a vaccine is not only ineffective, but also poses numerous other health risks. What do you think?

  • "That is ridiculous. Everyone knows sharing the same toilet seat works far better."

    Michael Cruikshank Glass Sander
  • "Additionally, kissing a broken arm is not adequate treatment for such an injury. You have to rub it with a half-eaten Big Mac from someone else who has a broken arm."

    Jill Lewis Towel-Cabinet Repairer
  • "Besides getting chicken pox, the only other risk I foresee is getting stuck with a green lollipop. Turns your whole damn mouth green. Sick."

    Jason Kirkland Unemployed
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