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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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Chicken Pox Lollipops Ineffective

Health officials are warning that a recent parenting trend of giving children a lollipop licked by a child with chicken pox instead of using a vaccine is not only ineffective, but also poses numerous other health risks. What do you think?

  • "That is ridiculous. Everyone knows sharing the same toilet seat works far better."

    Michael Cruikshank Glass Sander
  • "Additionally, kissing a broken arm is not adequate treatment for such an injury. You have to rub it with a half-eaten Big Mac from someone else who has a broken arm."

    Jill Lewis Towel-Cabinet Repairer
  • "Besides getting chicken pox, the only other risk I foresee is getting stuck with a green lollipop. Turns your whole damn mouth green. Sick."

    Jason Kirkland Unemployed

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