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After Birth

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

Report: Mom Sending You Something

PORTLAND, ME—Stating that she had put it in the mail this morning and that you should keep an eye out for it, your mother notified you Saturday that she was sending you something, reports confirmed.

A Look At The Class Of 2020

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2020, with the majority of them born in 1998. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:
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Child-Porn Lite

The New York Times has uncovered more than 200 websites featuring sexually suggestive—but clothed—pictures of children that skirt child-pornography laws. What do you think?
  • "I'm not convinced that these pictures are authentic. Until I'm assured by experts that these children are being exploited, I will not be able to appreciate it."

    Stephanie Greunwald Nutritionist
  • "Anyone who thinks you have to go to the Internet to see suggestive children¹s clothing hasn¹t been to a department store lately."

    Hugo Perez Green Grocer
  • "So apparently my naked toddler on the beach is fine, but when I cover her up with some discreet pasties, suddenly it¹s dirty?"

    Kevin Stensland Systems Analyst

After Birth

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