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Google Unveils New Larry Page–Driven Car

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—Touting the project as its most advanced foray yet into the realm of personal transportation, Google unveiled its new Larry Page–driven car at a press event Wednesday.

Trump Outlines Bold Vision For Nation’s Next Mass Protests

WASHINGTON—Stirring the emotions of citizens across the nation with his strong and affecting rhetoric, President Donald Trump outlined a bold vision for the country’s next mass protests during his address to a joint session of Congress Tuesday night.

What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.
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Children's Stair Injuries Down Nearly 12%

A study from Nationwide Children's Hospital in Columbus, OH reports that, while a child is hospitalized every six minutes with a stair-related injury, the number of incidences has fallen 11.6 percent since 1999. What do you think?

  • "Stairs are safer than ever, especially with new safety features like railing airbags and antilock steps."

    Matianne Hall Systems Analyst
  • “I assume there’s been a commensurate rise in escalator maimings and fire-pole catastrophes.”

    Charles Staple Cap Maker
  • "Not a surprise that numbers went down. The American standard of living was at its high point in 1999, and everyone had a ridiculous number of stories on their houses."

    Ryan Panter Unemployed
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Trump Outlines Bold Vision For Nation’s Next Mass Protests

WASHINGTON—Stirring the emotions of citizens across the nation with his strong and affecting rhetoric, President Donald Trump outlined a bold vision for the country’s next mass protests during his address to a joint session of Congress Tuesday night.

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