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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Chile Quake Shifted Earth's Axis

The recent earthquake in Chile shifted the axis of the earth 3 inches and made the day 1.26 microseconds shorter. What do you think?
  • "Now when am I supposed to find time to go to the gym?"

    Walter Brooke-Taylor Agate Setter
  • "Though God did inflict great suffering with Haiti's earthquake, He showed His mercy by causing another and shortening the length of the miserable days endured by the Haitian people."

    Paul Garden Unemployed
  • "We'll all just have to work a little harder around here, then, won't we?"

    Tabitha Oddie Genealogist

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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

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