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Chile's Pinochet Dead

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Chile's Pinochet Dead

Chilean dictator Augusto Pinochet died Sunday at 91. What do you think?
  • "He was a complicated figure. On the one hand, he killed thousands of people. On the other hand, I don't know much more about him."

    Ian Cocker Customs Agent
  • "I would die, too, if my country were run by some woman calling herself 'The President.'"

    Jessica Loerber Computer Consultant
  • "At least he kept communism out of the country the only way a Fascist, bloodthirsty dictator could."

    Colin Gimeno Construction Worker

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