Chimp Genome Mapped

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Vol 41 Issue 36

Strategic Oil Reserves

In the wake of Hurricane Katrina, President Bush is tapping the strategic oil reserve to help petroleum refiners. What do you think?

CBGB's Lease Expires

The landlord of the CBGB's building announced that he will not renew the lease of the legendary New York club. What do you think?
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Chimp Genome Mapped

Scientists have mapped the complete chimp genome and are comparing it to the human genome to see what sets the two species apart. What do you think?
  • "Finally, we might begin to get some answers to... to... you know, all our most pressing chimp questions."

    Hans Krauth
    Accountant
  • "Can I use this information to make my arms longer but not hairier?"

    Patricia Holbrook
    Waitress
  • "This is secular humanism at its worst. What about mapping Christ's genome?"

    Sebastian Soriano
    Aircraft Mechanic
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