Chimp Genome Mapped

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EPA Urges Nation To Develop New Air Source

WASHINGTON—Citing the hazardous levels of carbon dioxide and other pollutants accumulating in the atmosphere, officials from the Environmental Protection Agency urged the nation this week to develop a new air source.
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Local Household Announces Plans To Overdo Halloween Again

HIGHLAND PARK, IL—Having hauled over a dozen boxes of lights and plastic decorations as well as a large black-cat-shaped lawn inflatable from storage, members of the Hutchcroft family announced to neighbors from their front yard Thursday their plan to completely overdo Halloween again this year.


Chimp Genome Mapped

Scientists have mapped the complete chimp genome and are comparing it to the human genome to see what sets the two species apart. What do you think?
  • "Finally, we might begin to get some answers to... to... you know, all our most pressing chimp questions."

    Hans Krauth
  • "Can I use this information to make my arms longer but not hairier?"

    Patricia Holbrook
  • "This is secular humanism at its worst. What about mapping Christ's genome?"

    Sebastian Soriano
    Aircraft Mechanic