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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Chimps In Danger Of Extinction

Researchers recently said that the chimpanzee, hunted for meat and threatened by deforestation, could be extinct in 50 years. What do you think?
  • "Oh, boo hoo. They had their chance."

    David Price Civil Engineer
  • "As a poacher, whenever I catch a chimp, I just throw it back. I'm after the tastier marmosets."

    Ravi Klun Poacher
  • "Well, I say it's one less species who will masturbate in public. Good riddance!"

    Inez Rahman Pedicurist
  • "What?! Oh, chimps. I thought you said 'chicks.' Shit. Wow. For a second there... fuck."

    Wade Caho Jr. Artist
  • "Crap! We'd better remake The Barefoot Executive now, before it's too late."

    Robert Hegeman Systems Analyst
  • "They're being hunted for meat? Are chimp fajitas any good?"

    Dorothee Fochs Statistician
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