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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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China To Be Biggest Economy By 2030

According to an analysis by U.S. intelligence agencies, China will have surpassed the United States to become the world’s largest economy by 2030. What do you think?

  • “Oh, well. We had a nice run.”

    Jeremy Stankiewicz Watch Adjuster
  • “If only we’d elected Romney, this would never have happened.”

    Ruben Pierson Zinc Plate Grainer
  • “Then we have no choice but to make sure 2030 never happens.”

    Mara McEveety Systems Analyst

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