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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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China To Be Biggest Economy By 2030

According to an analysis by U.S. intelligence agencies, China will have surpassed the United States to become the world’s largest economy by 2030. What do you think?

  • “Oh, well. We had a nice run.”

    Jeremy Stankiewicz Watch Adjuster
  • “If only we’d elected Romney, this would never have happened.”

    Ruben Pierson Zinc Plate Grainer
  • “Then we have no choice but to make sure 2030 never happens.”

    Mara McEveety Systems Analyst

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