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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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China's Next Leader Vanishes

The Chinese government has failed to explain why Xi Jinping, widely presumed to be named the country’s new president in a few weeks, has not been seen in public for the past 10 days, leading to widespread speculation over his whereabouts and health. What do you think?

  • “Maybe he just needed some Xi time.”

    Val Donoho Hairpiece Stylist
  • “Can’t a guy hit Six Flags Wuhan for a few days without everyone getting on his case?”

    Nelson Shipp Asphalt Heater Tender
  • “No big deal. They can just have an election.”

    Kitty Kositchek Unemployed
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