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China's Nuclear Buildup

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A Primer On North Korea

The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea remains largely unknown to Americans due mainly to the secrecy and isolationism upheld by its government. The Onion provides a primer on North Korea’s people and culture

‘People Are Inherently Good,’ World Halfheartedly Mutters

NICE, FRANCE—Following yesterday’s terrorist attack in Nice, France that left over 80 people dead and scores more injured, sources reported that a dazed and utterly dejected global populace halfheartedly muttered the phrase “People are inherently good” to themselves Friday.

Louvre Curators Hurry To Display Ugly Van Gogh Donor Gave Them Before Surprise Visit

PARIS—After retrieving the eyesore from amid a clutter of unused display cases and movable stanchions in the back of the facility’s basement where it had been stowed ever since the museum received it, curators at the Louvre hurried to display an ugly Vincent van Gogh painting before the artwork’s donor made a surprise visit to the museum Friday.

ISIS Starting To Worry New Recruit Huge Psycho

RAQQA, SYRIA—Admitting that the recently arrived jihadist’s disturbing behavior was becoming a serious cause for concern, several ISIS members told reporters Friday they were starting to worry that new recruit Said Hassad was a huge psycho.
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China's Nuclear Buildup

According to a new CIA report, China is expected to have as many as 100 long-range nuclear missiles aimed at the U.S. by 2015. What do you think?
  • "We don't need to worry about the Chinese using nukes. They'd first need to find an unpopulated area to test them."

    Max Koenig Systems Analyst
  • "Would it be culturally insensitive of me to say I hope they don't blast us to atoms? I don't want to offend anybody."

    Connie Vance Graduate Student
  • "Maybe it's time to flood China with opium again. Failing that, flood me with opium."

    Dan Essen Plumber
  • "If only Sting had possessed the foresight to hope that the Chinese love their two government-allotted children, too."

    Milt Odom Lawyer
  • "We shouldn't worry. Judicious use of force is the traditional and typical of Chinese glorious history and cultural."

    Ken Yaeger Roofer
  • "Doesn't China know that only the U.S. is responsible enough to have a nuclear arsenal?"

    Sylvia Coombes Graphic Designer

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