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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Chinese Air Pollution Visible From Space

Highlighting the severity of China’s pollution crisis, NASA published satellite photos showing a thick haze of smog and air pollution spanning 750 miles from Shanghai to Beijing, or about the distance between Boston and Raleigh, NC. What do you think?

  • “I’m glad the crying Native American man from those ’70s ads isn’t in orbit right now to see this.”

    Glen Graham Cartographer
  • “Someone really needs to stop buying so many Chinese-manufactured goods.”

    Helen Choi Waitress
  • “We’re still better at polluting the Gulf of Mexico, though.”

    Antonio Semidi Hydroelectric Dam Worker

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