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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Chinese Auto Industry

Chinese carmakers are beginning to increase production volume, raise quality-control standards, and export cars to Europe, with the hope of becoming a major player in the auto industry in the coming years. What do you think?
  • "Hmm, a U.S. Navy fighter jet crashes in China and five years later they know how to make cars. Coincidence?"

    Kevin Bellisle Police Officer
  • "They want to make China the new Detroit, which is fine with me since I never saw much good in the Detroit we have now."

    Geraldine Watts Administrative Assistant
  • "Man, I knew the Asians could do cool stuff with folded paper, but that's just nuts."

    Karl Nevers Accountant

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