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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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Chinese Auto Industry

Chinese carmakers are beginning to increase production volume, raise quality-control standards, and export cars to Europe, with the hope of becoming a major player in the auto industry in the coming years. What do you think?
  • "Hmm, a U.S. Navy fighter jet crashes in China and five years later they know how to make cars. Coincidence?"

    Kevin Bellisle Police Officer
  • "They want to make China the new Detroit, which is fine with me since I never saw much good in the Detroit we have now."

    Geraldine Watts Administrative Assistant
  • "Man, I knew the Asians could do cool stuff with folded paper, but that's just nuts."

    Karl Nevers Accountant

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