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Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.
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Chinese Hackers Steal Top U.S. Weapons Designs

Chinese hackers reportedly gained access to the designs of more than two dozen highly advanced U.S. weapons, including ballistic missile defense systems, fighter jets, and helicopters. What do you think?

  • “It’s actually kind of a compliment when you think about it.”

    Renee Brinkerhoff Estate Planner
  • “Friends are supposed to share.”

    Gregg Stanwick Unemployed
  • “Quick! Abort Operation: Secret Chinese War! Abort! Abort!”

    Ozzie Gonzales Telephone Assembler

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