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Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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Choking Game Deadly

According to a recent government report, the choking game, in which people restrict their oxygen flow in order to achieve a moment of euphoria, has killed 82 youths since 1995. What do you think?
  • "Why is it that a few irresponsible kids have to go and spoil choking for the rest of us?"

    Matt Norton Knife Sharpener
  • "History sure does repeat itself. They used to say the same thing about the slice-yourself-in-the-jugular game."

    Kelvin Hart Surveyor
  • "I predicted something like this would happen when they took the good shit out of model glue."

    Angel Mould Crossing Guard

More from this section

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.

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