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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Choking Game Deadly

According to a recent government report, the choking game, in which people restrict their oxygen flow in order to achieve a moment of euphoria, has killed 82 youths since 1995. What do you think?
  • "Why is it that a few irresponsible kids have to go and spoil choking for the rest of us?"

    Matt Norton Knife Sharpener
  • "History sure does repeat itself. They used to say the same thing about the slice-yourself-in-the-jugular game."

    Kelvin Hart Surveyor
  • "I predicted something like this would happen when they took the good shit out of model glue."

    Angel Mould Crossing Guard

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