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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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Chris Christie On Vaccines: Parents Should Have ‘Measure Of Choice’

In the wake of a measles outbreak experts believe is linked to the anti-vaxxer movement, New Jersey governor and possible presidential candidate Chris Christie said he believes that it should be a parent’s choice to inoculate their children, saying, “It’s much more important what you think as a parent than what you think as a public official.” What do you think?

  • “It’s refreshing to see a public official standing up against public health measures.”

    Anna Shankman E-Book Marketer
  • “Interesting. I didn’t know Iowa voters felt that way about vaccinations.”

    Matt Lavallee Tissue Box Designer
  • “It’s so exciting watching a 2016 talking point being born.”

    Griffin Vaugh Systems Analyst

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