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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Chris Christie To Deliver RNC Keynote Speech

New Jersey governor Chris Christie has reportedly been chosen to deliver the keynote address at the Republican National Convention next month in Tampa, FL. What do you think?

  • “I don’t care who’s talking as long as they mention my state or career, so I can whoop.”

    Shanti Hasan Unemployed
  • “If he’s never been to Tampa, I recommend he check out its downtown area. That’s usually what you do your first time in a new city.”

    Tom Klier German-English Translator
  • “That’s going to be one hell of a podium.”

    Cabray Evans Concert Flutist

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