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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Christmas Trees More Expensive

Due to high fuel costs, the price of Christmas trees will be around 10 percent higher this year. What do you think?
  • "The high costs have affected Hanukkah, too. I could only afford a menorah with four candleholders."

    Terry Golden Personal Assistant
  • "That tricky Jesus. Always trying to make a buck."

    Grace Patrochis Systems Analyst
  • "I cut down my own tree every year. It makes Christmas more meaningful without the hassle of attending church."

    Chuck Warner Caddy
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