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Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.
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Chrysler Unveils Minivan For Men

Chrysler dealerships will soon be carrying an updated Dodge Grand Caravan minivan designed to appeal to men. What do you think?

  • "I already made my minivan more manly by wrecking it when I was drunk."

    Howie Sitek Blast Furnace Operator
  • "Ooo. Will the price be 22 percent lower than the regular minivan?"

    Tanya Malone Data Communications Technician
  • "But it already has enough room for a loving wife and up to five beautiful children. What more could a man want?"

    Marco Adebimpe Circuit Court Judge

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