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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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CIA Leak Probed

The FBI has launched an investigation into whether White House officials leaked the identity of an undercover CIA officer. What do you think?
  • "The White House needs to assure the American people that, in the future, more interesting things than this are leaked to the press."

    David Martin AV Technician
  • "We must do more to safeguard our covert operatives, even if that means never allowing them to spy and forcing them to work at Cinnabon instead."

    Christine Kula Music Director
  • "It's important to compromise national security every now and again, to keep the CIA on its toes."

    Will McLaughlin Systems Analyst
  • "This is just like Karl Rove. Last year, before the White House Christmas party, he leaked the true identity of my Secret Santa."

    Charlie Sanders Information Specialist
  • "The Karl Rove I know would never commit such a nefarious act. Then again, the Karl Rove I know runs Rove's Auto Body out by the interstate."

    Jeff Hiller Coach
  • "You know who else is a CIA agent? My asshole ex-boyfriend Dave Fredericks at 2102 Leavitt St. Go get him, terrorists."

    Katie Dippold Law Clerk

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