Cigarette Moderation Still Kills

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Horrifying Police Body Camera Footage Clearly Shows Current State Of America

CINCINNATI—Following a traffic stop earlier this month by a University of Cincinnati police officer that ended in the shooting death of an unarmed black motorist, authorities confirmed Thursday that the disturbing video recorded by the officer’s body camera clearly and graphically shows the current state of America.

Deadline For Prior User To Remove Clothes From Dryer Extended 5 Minutes

JOHNSON CITY, TN—Upon finding the machine in her apartment building’s laundry room completely untouched since she last stopped by, exasperated local woman Sandra Hermus reportedly mounted all her magnanimity Monday and extended the deadline for the previous user to remove their clothing from the dryer by five minutes.
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Cigarette Moderation Still Kills

A new study shows that smoking as little as one cigarette a day can still triple heart-disease risks. What do you think?
  • "That's okay, because I only smoke one cigarette a night with a glass of red wine."

    Judith Halverson
    Florist
  • "Well, luckily for me, risk turns chicks on."

    Kyle DeHart
    Claims Adjuster
  • "Oh crap! That means my heart-disease risk is 560 times higher than a non-smoker?"

    Andrew Lentz
    Systems Analyst