Cigarette Moderation Still Kills

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Goodwill Executives Arrested After Years Of Skimming Donated Goods Off Top

ROCKVILLE, MD—In what authorities are calling one of the most wide-reaching and deplorable cases of embezzlement in recent history, seven executives at Goodwill Industries International were arrested Thursday for allegedly skimming used clothing, old furniture, small appliances, and thousands of other donated items from the charitable group.

Meteorologists Say Upcoming Hurricane Season To Be Permanent

SILVER SPRING, MD—Warning residents to prepare for extreme winds, heavy rainfall, and flooding starting in the near future and continuing indefinitely, meteorologists at the National Weather Service announced Friday that the upcoming hurricane season would be permanent.
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Cigarette Moderation Still Kills

A new study shows that smoking as little as one cigarette a day can still triple heart-disease risks. What do you think?
  • "That's okay, because I only smoke one cigarette a night with a glass of red wine."

    Judith Halverson
    Florist
  • "Well, luckily for me, risk turns chicks on."

    Kyle DeHart
    Claims Adjuster
  • "Oh crap! That means my heart-disease risk is 560 times higher than a non-smoker?"

    Andrew Lentz
    Systems Analyst