adBlockCheck

Clarence Thomas Breaks 7-Year Silence In Court

Top Headlines

Recent News

How Fashion Trends Arise

With the growing popularity of “fast fashion,” or designs that move quickly from the runway to retail chains, many wonder how their favorite styles first arise. The Onion breaks down the process step by step

SpaceX’s Plan To Colonize Mars

SpaceX founder Elon Musk continues to lay the groundwork to attempt the human colonization of Mars. Here’s a step-by-step guide to his plan:

Bill Clinton Resting Up To Sit Upright At Next Debate

CHAPPAQUA, NY—Stating that the former commander-in-chief had his sights squarely set on next Sunday, spokespeople for the Hillary for America campaign informed reporters Wednesday that Bill Clinton is currently resting up in preparation for another evening of sitting upright at the next presidential debate.

Cyclist Clearly Loves Signaling Turns

MILWAUKEE—Judging by the firm outward thrust of the woman’s arm and the length of times she held the gestures, witnesses confirmed Wednesday that a local bicycle rider clearly loves signaling turns.

Fact-Checking The First Presidential Debate

Addressing issues ranging from national security to trade to their personal controversies, Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton and Republican nominee Donald Trump squared off in the first presidential debate Monday. The Onion takes a look at the validity of their bolder claims:
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Clarence Thomas Breaks 7-Year Silence In Court

Supreme Court justice Clarence Thomas, who hadn’t said anything from the bench since February 2006, was recorded uttering the barely decipherable words “Well, he did not...” Monday, which was apparently part of a joke made at the expense of a lawyer. What do you think?

  • “He reminds me of myself in that way. I’m always the guy who doesn’t say much, but when I do, people have no idea what I’m talking about.”

    Patrick Omilami Switchyard Worker
  • “It looks like winter’s going to be extra long this year.”

    Curt Plavin Labor Relations Consultant
  • “Totally worth the wait.”

    Ursula Starr Dressmaker

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close