Cleaner Air, Longer Life

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Vol 45 Issue 09

Paul Harvey Dead At 90

Legendary radio broadcaster Paul Harvey died of undisclosed causes in Arizona on Saturday. What do you think?

Stripper Putting Herself Through Life

JUPITER, FL—"I've got dreams a lot bigger than this dump," exotic dancer Nina Meyer explained. "I'm only doing this because there's no way I'll ever achieve them."
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Healthy Living

  • The Onion’s Guide To Gym Etiquette

    Every new year brings a surge in gym membership from new members nicknamed “resolutionists,” many of whom may be unaware that there are unspoken rules everyone must observe when working out.

Cleaner Air, Longer Life

An increase in American air quality over the last 20 years has led to an average life span increase of 21 weeks. What do you think?
  • "Ha! In your face Dr. Biller! Looks like I've got 31 weeks left to live, not 10."

    Mitch Daddato
    Restaurant Manager
  • "That's great news. Every moment on this earth is precious, and if you if live in the United States, it's like it counts double."

    Carl Boucher
    Dietary Aide
  • "21 weeks? That's five months. That's almost half a year. Wow. Yeah, I guess I just don't really care about the environment."

    Susan Canfield
    Unemployed
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